They say that perfection is the enemy of good. When you are so focused on achieving perfection, you may prevent your progress and fail to recognize how well you have done by holding an unrealistic or even unattainable expectation. Perfectionism is also common among several mental health disorders. At Palms Behavioral Health in Harlingen, Texas, we help our patients who struggle with perfectionism to understand how it could be negatively impacting their lives.
Things We Confuse with Perfectionism
It can be helpful to understand what perfectionism is and what it is not. People often associate perfectionism with:
- Dedication
- Fulfillment
- Achievement
- Productivity
- Persistence
- Attention to detail
- Strong work ethic
- Professionalism
- Social success
While the list above often includes desirable outcomes, the people with these traits are not perfect. They make mistakes just like anyone else. Being able to be compassionate to themselves, learn from their mistakes, and move on is generally an important part of being a happy and healthy adult.
Where Perfectionism Goes Wrong
While a person who shows themselves compassion and holds realistic expectations can accept a good, if imperfect outcome, a perfectionist is never satisfied. The black and white thinking of a perfectionist can leave them feeling like a failure if they don’t achieve the exact outcome they had in mind. This can lead to frustration and self-doubt. This would be hard enough if it only pertained to a single aspect of a person’s life, but people who identify as perfectionists often apply this superhuman standard universally, across every aspect of their experiences, leading to unmanageable stress and exhaustion. This sort of perfectionism can get worse over time, and it has been linked to:
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Substance use disorders
- Eating disorders
- Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)
- Suicidal ideation
Signs of Perfectionism
It can be hard to recognize perfectionism in ourselves because our own brain is part of the problem. If you notice the following in yourself, it could be a sign that you’re struggling with perfectionism:
- Excessively high standards
- Procrastination
- Self-worth that is based on what you achieve
- Fear of rejection
- Ruminating on ways you think you have failed
- Increased sensitivity to stress
Why People Become Perfectionists
Multiple factors can lead to a perfectionistic mindset. These include:
- Early interactions with caregivers and their expectations for the child
- A child’s replications of their parents’ own perfectionism
- Genetic inclinations toward perfectionism
- Peer influences
- Social media fueling the belief that the heavily edited highlights and blatantly false narratives other people post from their lives are reflective of that person’s real day-to-day experiences, leading to the perception that real people are less successful in comparison
- Societal pressure and expectations
Escaping Perfectionism
Even if you find yourself struggling with perfectionism today, this does not mean you’re stuck with this problem forever. There are changes you can make to get away from perfectionism:
- Do not procrastinate. If you have more time to get things done, you may find that you are happier with your results.
- Re-evaluate your expectations. Ask yourself what needs to be accomplished and compare it against what you’re trying to do. What is your demand for perfection pulling you away from that might be a better use of your time and energy?
- Prioritize. If you’re getting overwhelmed, just focus on the things that matter most. Allow yourself to let go of the minute details that will not make a difference in the long-term results.
- Give yourself some grace. Don’t beat yourself up when things don’t turn out exactly as you imagined. Practice telling yourself what you might tell a friend who was in the same situation.
- Get professional support. Sometimes it helps to talk to someone when you’re struggling with unrealistic or unattainable expectations. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a type of talk therapy that helps people manage thinking errors and negative self-talk. It can also help people to understand that they aren’t required to be perfect to deserve love, respect, and kindness.
At Palms Behavioral Health, we offer adolescent and adult inpatient and outpatient care for patients who are struggling with acute psychiatric issues related to anxiety, bipolar disorder, depression, schizophrenia, and suicidal thoughts. We offer individualized treatment plans in a trauma-informed setting.
