Even with fully formed brains, a lifetime of experience, and a grown-up vocabulary, adults can have a hard time managing anxiety. Children with anxiety don’t have all of these tools and need help from the adults in their lives to manage their mental health. At Palms Behavioral Health in Harlingen, Texas, we work with adolescents and their families to find ways to cope with anxiety disorders.
Understanding Anxiety Disorders
It is normal to feel anxious sometimes. A healthy amount of anxiety can help us to focus on important matters and put in the effort needed to get things done. When anxiety becomes excessive, however, it can create barriers to happiness and success. This is as true for children and adolescents as it is for adults. Some signs that might indicate that your child is experiencing an unhealthy amount of anxiety include:
- Excessive worrying
- Seeing safe situations as full of danger
- Trouble concentrating
- Racing heartbeat
- Shortness of breath
- Shaking and sweating
- Vomiting, diarrhea, nausea, and other stomach issues
Helping Kids Manage Anxiety
If you recognize that a child is anxious, there are steps you can take to help them manage their anxiety, such as:
- Identifying triggers – Help the young person put a name to what is causing their feelings.
- Validating their feelings – Even if you would not feel anxious in the same situation, acknowledge how the child is feeling and give them space to feel how they feel.
- Showing empathy – Imagine how they are feeling and really listen to what they are saying. Rather than trying to change their mind, try to see where they are coming from.
- Challenging their thinking – Ask your child to talk through what worries they have and help them to shape more helpful thoughts. For example, if they are worried about failing a class, ask them what they have done before to pass classes and how that might apply now.
- Practicing coping skills – Deep breathing, grounding techniques, physical activity, and meditation are all tools that you can explore with a young person to help them manage anxiety.
- Breaking big tasks into smaller pieces – For people with anxiety, sometimes the size of a task can be paralyzing. Helping your child to identify the smaller components of a big task and making a plan to accomplish one step at a time can make them feel more capable of achieving whatever they need to do.
- Helping to build confidence – Role-playing different ways to handle stressful situations and praising children for things they do well can boost their confidence. Remind your children that they have done difficult things in the past, and they have the skills to do so again.
Things to Avoid When Parenting Anxious Kids
It can be challenging to watch your children struggle with anxiety, and sometimes parents make choices that aren’t helpful because they aren’t sure how to respond:
- Invalidating thoughts and emotions – By telling a child that certain feelings or ideas are bad or wrong, it can send the message that the young person is bad. Parents should not label anxiety as “making excuses” or “whining.” Even saying things like, “Don’t worry,” “calm down,” or “It’s not a big deal” can be invalidating because these phrases tell a child how they should or should not feel. It is better to tell them that it is okay to be afraid and that they can manage difficult things.
- Minimizing anxiety – Parents may be tempted to tell their kids to “suck it up” and just do whatever they need to get done. While it is healthy to face anxiety and work through it, empathy, compassion, and kindness are more helpful than shaming or minimizing feelings.
- Allowing avoidance – Well-meaning parents may find it difficult to watch their children suffer and may be tempted to rescue their children whenever they face something that makes them anxious, which can do more harm than good in the long run. Preventing children from navigating things that make them anxious or allowing them to avoid situations where they feel anxiety can send the messages that:
- The danger the child perceives is a serious threat
- They cannot manage the situation independently
- They must rely on their parents to handle the problem instead of resolving it themselves
This can ultimately lead to the child’s anxiety becoming worse and to their increased dependence on the parent for a sense of safety.
At Palms Behavioral Health, we provide inpatient and outpatient treatment for a variety of mental health disorders across the lifespan. Getting a child into treatment for anxiety quickly is the most important step a parent can take when they sense that their child is struggling. Our process includes engaging the families of our patients to ensure they have the tools to support their loved ones who are struggling with mental illness and working to enter recovery.
